28 Lessons I Learned in 28 Years

Greetings, folks!

Since turning 25, I’ve dedicated a post each year on my birthday (March 25th) to lessons that I’ve learned throughout the past year. In correspondence with my 28th year this year, I will be listing 28 bits of knowledge that I’ve acquired in these past 12 months and will be imparting them to you. Some of them you might agree with, others controversial, but ultimately, they’re all that I fully believe in.

(PS Similar to last year’s birthday, I am once again stuck at home due to COVID-19. However, as I have an extended weekend from work, I do have plans to go out for a bit this time around ((a secret I’ll reveal later!)). Any case, I will be enjoying a nice plate of sushi, chocolate cake, and wine to celebrate)!

28 Lessons I Learned in 28 Years

1. You never know when the day could be your last.

Sounds depressing, but I don’t mean to be negative. Rather, I believe that it’s important to try to make each day worthwhile, because you never know what’s going to happen– good or bad. While it’s not feasible that every day will be great, striving for the majority to be fulfilling makes life fruitful, to know that you’re doing the best with yourself. Carpe diem!

2. Online dating is not for me.

I gave myself the challenge last year to do online dating. I did in-person dates (pre-COVID), as well as virtual ones…and none of them clicked. Don’t get me wrong: most of my dates were lovely, but there just wasn’t mutual interest. I also didn’t feel comfortable advertising myself (face, location, stats) as a way to “market love.” It felt like propositioning, and I ended up uninstalling/deleting my apps, not because I “failed” at OLD, but rather it just wasn’t for me. I doubt I’ll return to the apps, and I’d rather just meet people in real life.

3. Good, healthy relationships come out of friendships.

This goes along with #2: I think the problem I faced with OLD is that the apps are intended as means to find love first, before anything else. But trying to establish a satisfying relationship before really getting to know someone is very difficult. After all, you’re strangers at first: even after hours of spilling life stories to each other, you still really don’t know everything about each other– let alone if you’ll be compatible. There’s pressure to want to be in a relationship that the mutual, “friendship” stage gets bypassed. As a result, a relationship is likely to be forced, and it’s most-likely to fail.

4. Don’t date just to be with someone.

*yes, I have a lot to say on dating!* I first started OLD, because I thought I was in a solid stage of my life (i.e. financially-independent, physically-fit, self-confident) and, as a result, I thought that I “deserved” love. That mindset set me up for failure, as I grew constantly disappointed in my dates and in myself whenever it didn’t work out.

I had to step back and reevaluate. The more I thought about it, I realized that I actually wasn’t in a good mental state, as I was low-key insecure about never having dated/been in a relationship until my late-twenties, compared to my peers. That said, one shouldn’t believe that one’s “entitled” to a relationship just because they’re physically, mentally, or financially-successful: a relationship should be a “gift” that you might not have expected, but accept all the same once you’re truly comfortable with yourself.

5. Never put anyone on a pedestal.

**I swear, this will be the last point on dating** I have put and been put on a pedestal while dating. I was so blinded by wanting a relationship that anyone who I thought was nice and remotely attractive would be good “relationship material” for me to pursue. I ended up scaring off my dates by coming off too strong too early, and it wasn’t until I got a taste of my own medicine that I realized just how uncomfortable it was. A good relationship comes out of mutual respect for each other, to treat each other as equals. You can be crazy about someone, but don’t let infatuation be the driving force of a relationship– let it be consideration.

6. Politics bring out the worst in people.

2020 was the year of politic tension, of COVID-19, BLM, and the presidential elections. I’ve always considered myself left-leaning, and I still hold many left-leaning beliefs today. But after experiencing first-hand just how toxic both leftists and rightists can be, I’ve realized that politics has the power to hurt and divide well-intentioned people into the extremes. I’ve since gone ahead and done my own research, instead of believing the news I’m fed on social media, to realize that not everyone on the “wrong” side is hateful, bigoted, or racist, but that their beliefs have a legitimate reason– however hard it is to believe.

And I’ve also become more reticent about what I share politically online, just because 1) the Internet is so divided that anything nuanced can be misinterpreted, and 2) no one really cares. Segue to #7…

7. Activism comes from action, not social media.

I’ve been truly appalled by some of my peers on social media this past year. I get that our generation is very active online, but the amount of misconstrued memes and extreme Tweets (both liberal and conservative) have been very destructive, causing even more divisiveness. Even if I agreed with some views, I could not fully agree with those (even from my left-leaning peers!) that were accusatory, that even bordered on racist, sexist, and classist. The tone has been downright hostile, with practically no room for discussion; a Tweet or meme was considered a fact, and there was no way to argue it– period.

But the catch is this: posting on social media means nothing. Sure, you can show your support for a cause, but it’s not directly affecting the law and policies at hand. It’s the petitions, calling of public officials, and lawmaking that action is taken. Otherwise, it’s just band-wagoning, virtue signaling…whatever you want to call it. It’s not healthy to spend your time hating and despairing over the situation on the Internet, nor is it productive. If you really want something to change, then take action.

8. Be careful driving!

I’ve been driving for well over a decade, yet this past year, I got into three minor accidents (I’m okay, and the car’s okay, but you can clearly see the damages). Cars are a necessary evil, especially in Los Angeles where you pretty much need a car to get around town. Cars are no joke: you’re essentially strapped into a metal box hurling an upwards of 60 mph/97 kmh, so a split second of carelessness can indicate life or death. I get nervous every time I have to drive, but since getting into these accidents, I’m determined to remain vigilant at all times while on the road.

9. You can still have a social life during the pandemic.

Thanks to the wonders of technology these days, we can still talk to friends and family virtually through Zoom, Skype, WhatsApp, etc. True, COVID-19 has limited physical interaction, but it’s only temporary– the virus won’t be around forever and until then, we have the luxury of staying connected with people, no matter where we are in the world.

10. Drinking less = massive hangover

It has truly shocked me that I can no longer hold down alcohol like I used to; even just two years ago, I could still knock back a few drinks without much consequence. And it’s not like I can’t just tolerate a whole night of binge drinking anymore, but even just two glasses of wine will give me a massive hangover the next morning. It now takes me a full day to recover from that amount consumed. I’ve since been more careful about how much I have, to ensure that the hangovers don’t happen as much, if at all.

11. Know when to draw the line.

I consider myself a pretty patient person, but I’ve noticed that I have less patience for people these days if they’re being unreasonable. I think my years in customer service and education have taught me not to be “too nice” and to stand up for myself. I have less tolerance for putting up with people, and I think that’s a good thing. Not to say that I’ll be a “bitch,” but I’m not as afraid to be firm and clear when I feel like I’m not getting the respect I need.

12. Interrupting is a BIG pet peeve.

While I’ve always been irritated by people interrupting me, it wasn’t until recently that I realized just how much I dislike it. I try not to cut people off (and will apologize/let them talk if I do), so having people talk over me is really annoying. I wish conversations were more like ping-pong, rather than basketball, a back-and-forth dance where one speech ends and another begins. It’s wishful thinking, but really, if we were better listeners, we wouldn’t have as much miscommunication and hostility in the world.

13. Don’t judge others before getting to know them.

This sounds obvious, but you’d be surprised just how many of us prejudge others. I have my prejudices, too. But since starting my job in public assistance, I realized just how important it is to have an open mind before judging someone for being homeless, incarcerated, a specific race or political affiliation, etc. We have our preconceptions of others based on what we’ve been taught, to the point of how we instinctually react when we come into contact with someone of that creed. It’s a constant, learning process, but I try to go in with a “blank slate” before I get the sense of who someone is.

14. Don’t let the past hold you back.

While it’s easier said than done, it really is true: the past can be extremely-painful as you rehash the regrets and “what-ifs” in relationships, careers, and other endeavors. I have many regrets, but I’ve come to realize that the choices I’ve made in those moments were the best options I had back then, and now I have to accept it. This is call accountability, and I see my regrets as ways to realize my growth. It’s about gaining experiences, however joyful or horrible they are, to move forward and strive to better yourself.

15. Shut off social media every once in a while.

I’m not saying you should quit social media cold turkey, but turning it off every so often can help you recharge. Especially with the frenzy of distressing news these days, constant negativity can wear even the happiest person down. I shut off my Wifi/Internet access before I go to bed every night, only to use it again after I wake up and complete my workout and breakfast. I also exit out of social media when it starts getting overwhelming, and I remind myself that social media isn’t reality, and that there’s actual “real life” to live outside of the screen.

16. Sitting all day will lead to back problems.

My current job is a desk job; it requires me to be in front of a computer screen all day. I’ve found that sitting around all day, at work or at home, can lead to back pain. Especially if you sit improperly, it’ll aggravate the back even more, and I’ve felt slight aches and pinches in my back if I sit for too long. I’ve since alternated between sitting and standing whenever I do computer work, and it not only gives my back a break from one extreme, but also keeps me active at an otherwise inactive job. Should you have a desk job, I highly recommend giving this a try!

17. Cheat days are less-frequent, but satisfying all the same.

I’ve always been pretty good about working out and eating well every day. I’ve also been cutting down on the sugar and alcohol over the years, and I honestly feel healthier than I was even just two years ago. I still have “cheat days” in which I treat myself to a nice slab of cake or several glasses of wine, but even then, I’ve been limiting how many “cheat days” I have. I’m finding that my body can’t process as much sugar or alcohol (see #10), and as a result, I’ve naturally cut down on how often I can “let myself go.” But all the same, I still cherish the days when I can have something decadent…but not to get too carried away!

18. Talking to yourself does not make you crazy.

Talking or singing to yourself at home is one thing, but doing so in public is another. These days, I care less about talking or singing to myself, and I sometimes even do so at work! Sometimes, you just need to keep yourself entertained, and as long as you’re not bothering others, just keep chatting or humming along!

19. Be yourself, and the right people will come to you.

Cliché as it sounds, “being yourself” is essential for happiness. The way I see it, there’s no point making yourself sick in pleasing the wrong crowd, especially when they can disappoint you. Just carry on in your own life, and the right people, the ones who really appreciate you, will gravitate towards you.

20. Going cold turkey for a while teaches you about moderation.

I get very invested in things I like, including sweets, coffee/tea, and alcohol. However, I sometimes take it too far with the consumption, making me feel crappy later on. I’ve ended up taking breaks, whether partaking in “Dry January” or going for a few weeks without sugar or coffee, to let my body reset. Taking this time off also has taught me about my limits, that I can only really tolerate x amount of sweets, coffee, or booze before I feel horrible. It’s a constant learning process, especially as I’m getting older, but I believe that I’m making strides in moderating myself.

21. Read more, stay smart.

I believe social media is to blame for the low-key illiteracy I see among adults. The combination of Internet slang/jargon and TikTok videos has made us dumber, not to forget inept at social interaction. That’s why I believe that we ought to read more– not necessarily books, but even articles, newspapers, commentary posts. I read every day, whether it’s blog posts, Reddit forums, or YA novels. I especially seek out texts from perspectives different from mine, sometimes in a different language (e.g. French). Reading has made me more-aware of opinions and experiences different from my own, and to accept them all the same. Plus, a boost in vocabulary doesn’t hurt!

22. Do not be afraid to ask for help.

Perhaps it’s fear or pride, but I’ve had the hardest time asking people for help whenever I struggled. However, in recent years, I’ve been less afraid and more-proactive in asking questions to others. Most people are willing to help, as they’ve been in your shoes before. And even if you think you’re being annoying, it’s better to know what you’re doing than not. So go ahead and question away!

23. Customer service is one of the hardest jobs out there.

After having my fair share of working in customer service, it boggles my mind that this particular industry pays horribly. I get that it’s not necessarily skilled labor, but it’s still mentally-demanding. Whether you work at Starbucks or as a stewardess, you have to admit that dealing with the worst of people at times can work you to your wit’s end. It really takes a certain type of individual to put up with it, let alone for years. Customer service is one of the hardest white-collar jobs out there, and it’s all the more important to treat those who work in the industry with politeness and respect.

24. Maturity is a choice.

As a kid, I used to believe that adults were smarter and wiser than the average kid on the playground, and I honestly couldn’t wait to grow up and be an adult. Turns out, I was wrong, as there are plenty of adults out there who haven’t mentally-matured past the age of 15. It really comes down to accountability, and many people don’t want to take responsibility for themselves. That’s why maturity doesn’t come with age, but with experience and self-awareness to be able to take care of yourself and get through life.

25. Acknowledge those who take the time and effort to be with you.

Like #19, I believe that there are certain people who tend to gravitate towards you. Maybe it’s your distinctive charisma or similar beliefs, but there’s a reason that some people are interested in you, who want to befriend and learn more about you. Creepy or ill-intentioned people aside, most just like you for you, and those are the people whom you want to recognize and develop relationships with. There’s no point trying to force those you want to like you, but rather have a bond with those whom you have organic chemistry with.

26. Always be kind to people. Always.

I was never really popular growing up. Not to say that I was a loner, but I hung out with friends whom were seen as the “geeky, eccentric” type, which during my time in school (mid-to-late 2000s) was considered the butt of jokes– even I had my geeky tendencies, which in the eyes of others, were seen as strange. I also knew other peers who were seen as “weird” in their quirks and specific interests and, being that I had my fair share of being ignored or picked on, I treated them with respect, sometimes even becoming friends with them.

Fast forward a decade later, and it’s us, the “outcasts,” who are doing just fine in the real world; I think it’s the treatment we’d received in school which had toughened us up, and we’ve worked damn hard to be well-off financially and socially. That said, always treat everyone (even the eccentric ones) with kindness, because you never know if they’ll become your boss or more successful than you later down the line!

27. Glow-ups are pretty damn amazing.

Beauty is subjective, I know. But I didn’t consider myself pretty in high school, even college; I was scrawny, pimply, and extremely shy/awkward, and the combination of those three doesn’t necessarily scream “attractive.” In fact, it wasn’t until my mid-twenties after I moved to France, traveled a lot, and began dressing better/wearing makeup sometimes that I began noticing changes in how others treated me. It was so weird, because I started having girls (and guys) express interest in me, which freaked me out.

…at the same time, it felt amazing. I don’t think I looked that much different from just a couple of years back, but it was how I put myself together, in clothing and mannerisms, that it just started attracting people to me. This all sounds really conceited, but the point I’m trying to make is that putting effort into yourself generates self-confidence, and that self-confidence draws others to you. I don’t think I’m the most-beautiful person out there, but I’ve come to embrace what I have both looks and personality-wise. That’s to say, this glow-up is pretty damn awesome.

28. Despite the dark times, it’s still a beautiful world.

This past year has shown us the worst in the world, from the pandemic to unemployment to the ugliness of humanity. Even I was affected, having loved ones pass away from COVID-19 and getting laid off from my previous job. But despite all of these tragedies, I know that I’m blessed with what I still have: a loving family and supportive friends, a roof over my head, food to eat, a healthy body and mind, etc. The sun continues to shine, and knowing that this pandemic is just temporary goes to show that we will be okay. It still is a beautiful world worth living in. ❤

This post turned out to be way longer than I’d expected. I’m pretty sure I rambled on some of the points, but in any case, I thank you for reading up to this point. I’m another step closer to 30 than before, and I hope to continue learning a lot more in my 28th year on this Earth. Take care! 🙂

— Rebecca