20 Lessons I Learned in my Twenties

Today, I am 30 years old.

30.

Wow. Where has the time gone?

It’s strange, because while I know that I’ve already lived three decades on this Earth, I know that I’m still young and still have a long ways to go. But it’s also surreal: it feels as if I went to bed being 25, woke up and suddenly, I’m 30. In other words, it’s hard to believe that I’ve lived a whole decade of my adulthood, and honestly, it’s a great milestone.

I’m actually very happy to be turning 30. Some people might dread the idea of the big three-O, as it’s the age to look back on their twenties. The common conception is that the twenties suck, but honestly, I really enjoyed my twenties. Granted, there were challenges and low points for me during that decade, but globally, there were many more great moments that I cherish and will definitely look back on fondly as I get older.

The twenties are certainly a tumultuous time of growing and learning. Often times, it’s a period where many of us are experiencing our firsts: first “real adult” job, first serious relationships (sometimes even marriage), first time making big decisions on buying a house, having kids, and saving for retirement. What makes it challenging is that we aren’t taught how to handle these “firsts” in school, or even from our parents, so we all just end up trying and figuring it all out the best we can.

That said, I wanted to share with you some lessons I learned in my twenties: some I learned very early on, while others I just learned on my last day of being 29. I’m aware that I’ve already written similar “life lesson” posts on this blog since I turned 25, but this year’s will be a sort of amalgamation of everything from those posts. This will also be the final “life lessons” birthday post I’ll be publishing, as I leave behind my twenties and look forward to what 30 (and being in my thirties) will be like. Without further ado, here are 20 lessons I learned throughout my twenties!

20 Lessons I Learned in my Twenties

1. Be your weird self

This lesson is a spin-off of the classic “be yourself” mantra, as I believe it isn’t just about “being” yourself, but also not being afraid to show your eccentricities. I spent up until my mid-twenties trying to blend in and not showing much of my personality. But once I figured out myself and became comfortable expressing my peculiarities (including a dead-pan sense of humor and a nerdiness for studying geography and penguins), it was so freeing and I ended up meeting people who liked me for, well, me.

2. Drink for pleasure, not for a solution

See the pun I made there (alcohol=solution)? I hate to admit it, but I’ve always struggled with drinking in moderation. It took me until the very end of my twenties (and a few close calls with health problems) to realize that I was damaging my body. And I also realized that I wasn’t drinking to have fun: I was drinking to find a way out of social anxiety, stress, and even worse, boredom. I’m not a teetotaler today, but I’m a lot more mindful of when and how much I chose to drink, and to remind myself of the unpleasant side effects if I overdo it (e.g. hangover, nausea, acid reflux). Still a process, but so far, cutting down alcohol is doing extraordinary wonders for my skin and wallet!

3. Relationships are never perfect

Although I’ve always known this before in theory, it wasn’t until I got into my first serious relationship that I realized just how difficult it is to confront my flaws and reservations in order to make it work. I’m very fortunate that I have a partner who’s very upfront with feelings, and that inspires me to be more forthright, too. It’s also a matter of being realistic, that relationships aren’t always going to be easy (i.e. sans disagreements) and that, no matter how challenging it can be to open up, be vulnerable, and show the ugly parts, it will all be worth it in the end. ❤

4. It’s okay to let go sometimes

Sometimes, things just don’t work out: a job, a friendship, a business…strange as it sounds, it’s okay to quit, especially when it starts to impact you negatively. I’ve had my fair share of friendships that, unfortunately, have dropped off over the years, whether mutually or not. You can do all you can to stick around and make it work, but ultimately, if others aren’t making the effort to maintain it, and it’s creating stress for you, it’s fine just to let it be. Same goes for previous jobs and projects I worked on: even though I quit them, I ended up a lot happier and healthier in the end!

5. Goals and dreams always change

There are people out there who always knew what they wanted to do with their lives at a very young age, but often times, most of us go through life starting out one way before sometimes making a complete 180° and doing something else. If you were to ask me what I wanted to do at age 20, I would tell you that I wanted to be a physical therapist or pharmacist– little would I know that I’d be in a completely-different occupation at the end of my twenties, and actually for the better. I also had the goal of visiting 60 countries by the time I turn 30, and while I am close (about 55 countries), I realize that it’s not as important to reach 60 countries, but rather enjoy the countries I visit. I’m reassessing my goals and dreams, and it’s working out for me!

6. Don’t settle for the cheapest option

I’m just getting around to understanding that cheap =/ better. As someone who used to pinch pennies in my early twenties, I’ve realized that choosing the cheapest option can actually end up being the most expensive one, whether it wastes time, harms your body, or otherwise is just plain unpleasant. I was able to get away with putting up with 20-hour bus rides and Cup of Noodle dinners when I was younger, but now I would prefer to pay medium range for a flight and fresh produce to save my body and sanity in the long run.

7. Splurge (but reasonably)

Going off of #6, an occasional splurge here and there won’t drain your bank account and, even if it’s for temporary pleasure, it can make all the world in making you happy. Some choose to splurge on designer handbags or a fancy meal, and that’s perfectly fine– personally, I splurge on vacations, which I aim to take at least once or twice a year. Flights, accommodations, and tourist expenses don’t come cheap, but it’s the experience of it all which makes me happy and, as long as I’m not traveling every other day and spending thousands each time, I think it’s a sensible splurge that keeps me content and incentivizes me to work well to save up for the next trip!

8. Rejection often isn’t personal

Getting bad news is never easy to hear. Whether it’s being rejected by your dream job or your dream person, the feeling of being inadequate and agonizing over what went wrong is much too easy to fall into. I admit, I’m still learning how to deal with rejection;. I’m slowly coming around to the fact that much of the rejection I experienced was far from being personal, whether because of more-qualified job candidates or lack of chemistry, respectively. There’s no point stewing about it, as most people are too focused on their own issues to really go out of their way to intentionally hurt you. Best to do is to be sad/angry/disappointed about it for a minute before moving on.

9. Time goes by a lot faster as you get older

I mentioned this earlier in the post, but it really feels as if I went to bed at age 25 and woke up at age 30– I mean, where has the time passed? I used to feel that an academic year went by so slowly when I was in grade school, but now, one year passes by in a blink of an eye. It doesn’t feel like a decade has passed; it feels more like only half of that! Goes to show that life really is too short, and to really make each year of your life worthwhile and fun. Just watch me go to bed at 30 and wake up as a 60-year-old!

10. People change (and so do you)

This sounds so obvious, but it isn’t until you meet someone after many years and are still surprised at just how much different they are– heck, even seeing someone on social media after a long time can be shocking! I’m sure I’ve changed, but I’m surprised at how so many of my peers from high school and university have gotten married, had kids, lost weight, gained weight, changed their image, etc. I’m glad to see some of my peers who’d struggled in school become successful and happy, and it also makes me realize just how far I’ve come even just three years ago…and there will be a lot more changes to come, that I’m sure of.

11. Nobody cares (that much) about you

Not to say nobody cares about you, but rather that most people are so concerned and preoccupied with their own lives that you’re not their sole focus in theirs. And that’s what makes it so freeing, as you can focus less on how others perceive you and just be your own weird self. This is still a work in progress for me, but I’ve gotten a lot better being less in my head about it. And even if people do talk about me, I just ignore it and go about my daily life doing what I want to do. I think it’s absolutely refreshing!

12. Social media isn’t reality

I think a lot of us who are avid social media users forget that platforms like Facebook or Instagram are just highlights, the “1%,” of a person’s entire life. That, and the fact that a lot of political and social trends rely on shock value, click bait, and over-simplification to appeal to the mass audience. I used to voice my opinions on socio-political issues, but I’ve since avoided doing so, and only sparingly. I just don’t see these platforms making a difference, especially if it’s only limited to reposting on your Stories and not to actively protesting, donating, or petitioning to lawmakers, which I admit takes a lot of effort, and I don’t know if many people online actually do that in reality. Honestly, I just stay away from it, and I also share less these days for privacy reasons and to actually go out and enjoy life!

13. Be humble (sit down)

I don’t blame those in their teens and early twenties who have an ego: I think it boils down to the fact that they’re young, are idealistic, and haven’t gone through the experiences of being rejected, having their opinions challenged, etc. Even I had my ego moment in my early to mid twenties, and it wasn’t until I went through some tough times that I had to reassess my behavior and outlook on life. It was then I realized the importance of being humble, that being understated goes a long way in getting along with people and having more-meaningful connections. Always be kind to others and always be grateful for the achievements and opportunities that come your way– Kendrick Lamar certainly wasn’t wrong about that!

14. Your parents won’t be around for long

This sounds extremely morbid, and I do hope that parents out there live to ripe old ages and have fulfilling lives. But at the same time, it’s true: getting older means your parents are right there ageing along with you, and it can be hard to see them once strong and able to pick you up to now needing your help walking up the stairs. Sometimes, they can be gone too soon: I lost one of my parents at age 26, and that was hard (even to this day). Even if they drive you nuts sometimes, parents care about you, raised you, and want the best for you– best to do is be there for them as much as you can, before it’s too late.

15. Success is subjective (and you don’t need to figure it all out)

What is success to you? A six-figure job? A family with two kids? Financial independence? These are some common ideas of success, but for some, success can be as simple as getting out of bed in the morning and making breakfast. We all have our idea of what it means to “make it” in life, with some people having it easier than others– but it’s important to understand that having a six-figure job is very hard to obtain today, given the job market competition, cost of living, etc. Success isn’t defined by numbers and achievements that are preset by society, but rather by your goals and what you could see yourself doing in the long run– you don’t have to complete them all in your twenties, either– you still have plenty of time to make them happen!

16. Eat better, feel better

Like #6, it’s not a good idea to buy cheap food (e.g. instant ramen, chips, TV dinners) if you want to be healthy. Even buying the cheapest of fresh produce can be horrible on your body. Sometimes, it really helps to pay a bit more for quality and taste, as well as learning to properly cook. I’m still a long ways to go in terms of cooking more meals for myself, but I’d like to say that I’m doing a lot better compared to my early twenties of pasta and frozen dinners.

17. Forgiving yourself is hard, but necessary

I’m not saying that you forgive yourself for everything you do– it’s essential to be accountable, too! But what I’m saying is not to be too hard on yourself for mistakes, especially if they’re minimal or reparable. I struggled with being my own worst critic as a child and into my early twenties, and it led to a lot of self-esteem issues. It took some time, but eventually, I learned to be a lot kinder to myself, and to remind myself that when I mess up, it’s never really that bad and that I’ve learned not to do it again.

18. In the face of adversity, everything will be okay

Even at the lowest of low, or during troubling times, things will change and often it’s for the better. From losing a parent (and almost another parent) to losing a job during COVID, to receiving rejection after rejection of job applications and relationships, I personally had it rough in my mid-twenties. It took a while, but eventually, things got better: I got a stable job, I fostered a better relationship with my family, I found my now-partner…it was a combination of trying and timing, and having gone through all of that, I know that if I were to go through it again, it will all work out in the end.

19. Learn to pick your own battles

Relating to #12, with social media being a useful platform for politics, it can be easy to want to engage in all of the social movements, especially with all of the injustices in the world. It’s easy to get triggered over a hateful comment, a racial/homophobic slur, or simply an opinion that’s different from yours. I will say that I got easily triggered at anything offensive, and I called people out on it. But at some point, it became exhausting to be angry all the time, and I called people out less. Not that I was letting people step on me, but rather I learned to be selective over which injustices I wanted to be angry about– I picked my own battles, so that I could focus on, well, being happier with my life.

20. Failure is inevitable; best is to pick yourself up and keep going

It’s ideal to want to succeed at everything if you put your mind to it– alas, the reality isn’t always the case. There will be times when you will fail, and it’s never as bad as you think it is. As the old saying goes, “when one door closes, another opens,” and it’s a good idea to have the idea that a failed test, a failed business, a failed relationship can lead to other paths that you might not have anticipated, but in the end turn out for the better. It’s all about being open to the idea of failure and that, when things don’t turn out well, it’s a learning lesson to adapt, adjust, and move forward.

Whew! This was a long post, but definitely a reflective one for me to summarize what I’ve learned in my twenties in a nutshell. There’s so much more to learn, but there’s also so much time to do so– I am looking forward to seeing what my thirties have in store for me, and I hope you can join along for the ride! Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day! 🙂

— Rebecca